I'm here. You may not have noticed, being as caught up in yourself as you are. The more I think about it, the more I realize: I'm insecure. I have very few friends, the grades that I may are not particularly impressive, and well deserved for the most part. Though it's true, I could and should work harder, and I probably could have been in the top 20 people, maybe higher, but I can't make myself focus. I can't force myself to do homework, or to wake up on time, or to stay awake in class. How many people at school have passed me in the hallway and never noticed me? How many girls have I smiled at that cringed when I did? How many teachers have dreaded my arrival in their classroom, or the sight of one of my essays on their desk? Who am I and how well am I doing at this life? There is no one to ask, there is no answer. I'm here, I'm doing as well as I can, or, at least, as well as I'm doing. I think I could do better. I don't care why I'm here, why I have this time on earth, but I do care how well I'm doing with it.
I keep waiting for life to get easier, which is silly, I know, because life is a complicated situation, and it is rarely easy, but I've always had dreams, and ambitions of an easy life. Unfortunately, the biggest part of that life is a girl, one who will love me no matter what, who is always there when I need her, and who will never get upset with me. She doesn't exist, and I'm too hot tempered to find a girl that I never argue with anyway. I'm too hot tempered to make my relationships last.
While we're on this subject, I want to bring up Rachel. Rachel Rinn hates me probably, (and hopefully) more than any other person on this planet, and has since the day I started dating her sister. It is because of my fondness for Julie, and only because of it that Rachel holds any anger toward me at all, (well, that and the fact that she is, though seemingly nice, and probably even genuinely nice sometimes, is extremely easily irritated and holds grudges over everything, not just big things, for infinately long periods of time.) I will give it to her, I have not always been perfectly nice to her, and, at times, I've been down right mean, but I've already apologized for everything that I've ever done to her, many of which I've apologized several times, and I no longer feel the need to apologize to her anymore. It won't do me any good. It will never change anything. She will always hate me with very little reason to and she will always blame me for every problem that she or Julie has had in the last year and a half. Some things I just have to learn to accept. Unfortunately this is one of them. |

So, as expected, my blog has gone mostly into hybernation for the school year. But even a hybernating bear needs to wake up and take a wizz every now and then. So far school has been pretty great, aside from English sucking and Miss Sweeney being a moron. Having windows in a classroom is really pretty awesome, especially when it rains. I really have little to say...Julie left for college, The Brothers Grimm was not a very good movie...The choir might possibly, maybe, unnofficially as of yet be doing Anything Goes for the musical this year, and I want candy. God, I miss Julie... |

A-ha...yeah... |

nothing ever changes, it always stays the same. I just don't know anymore. I've never known. Maybe I never will. |

yeah, so I reformatted my blog. I hope you guys like it. I know the old template was ugly. Hopefully this one won't be so bad. |

10:17 saturday morning. 10:17 saturday morning. This is the last time, I swear. I will not be hurt like this again. 10:17 saturday morning. At that moment this drama will end one way or another. 10:17 saturday morning. |