Muga gubuga. Say it three times fast, TJ McCool! Do iiit! |

So I think it's finally attempting to get cold around here. It's been raining, or at least, trying to rain, for about 3 days now and the temperature has been fluctuating by a good 15 degrees in the mid afternoon. I'm really excited to start my 19 dreary autumn. It's my favorite season. |

As a member of the human race, I feel that it is my duty to perform tasks that benefit mankind as a whole. My career should be one that either progresses or maintains society as a whole as well as one that supports myself and my possible future family financially. I should be kind to my fellow man, helpful to those in need, and I should reporduce so as to continue the existence of the human race beyond my lifetime.
So my question is this: If these are the goals that I know to be the most benificial, both for myself and mankind as a whole, why do I have so very little desire to attempt to achieve them? |

Kate Beckinsale. That's all I'm saying. |

I don't think people are meant to be by themselves. That's why if you actually find someone you care about it's important to let go of the little things, even if you can't let go all the way, because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone no matter how many people are around. (yes, I stole this from scrubs. |

I don't know why I find it so difficult to sleep. It's not that I'm not tired, it's that I hate the concept, the entire idea of sleeping. it's 5:41 in the morning, I have a class in 3 hours and 20 minutes, but I have this feeling. A feeling of discontentment. I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now, I'm not where I'm supposed to be in my life, and sleeping isn't going to get me there. Unfortunately neither will staying up all night, but I'm too high strung to sleep. Too caught up in the idea that something's wrong. There's always something wrong, things are never perfect, but this time it feels like it's something big. Maybe it's nothing, but I can't shake the feeling of discontentment. It's pulsating through me. Maybe I should get some rest. |

what a week, what a week. Up and down, in and out, through and through a week full of...well, let's just say not full of roses and peaches. Good tests, bad tests, slept through tests, and a couple in between. Sleeping through a test is a miserable experience, it's like waking up and finding that all the work you did in highschool to get to where you are, all the studying you've done, for this test and all the others you've already taken, was all a waste of time because you're GPA is still going to suck. Luckily, I get to take a make-up test in 2 hours.

I'm not sure what the point reduction is going to be, but I'm gonna guess 30 points, which means I should come out with somewhere around a 60 or higher. I can live with that, I can recover from that.

I feel sick and ecstatic, exhausted and peaceful, broken but repairable, angry but forgiving, unaccomplished but inspired, unclean but comfortable, guilty but unashamed. It's like everything wrong and everything right happened to me all at the same time and I can't figure out which to focus on. I don't know which will prevail. |

A Brighter Place

It was a harsh end to be sure. One that wrenched the soul of my poor crippled existence. Now, lame and broken, I stagger forward, fighting to hold my ground. I am still a man, I do still have a heart, beaten and haggard though it may be. I show no false hopes of a love that once was ever being again, no hope at all. My chance has come and gone like so many lives and loves and hopes and dreams. Perhaps God meant it to teach me, to make me grow to be a better man. I do feel stronger, smarter, more aware. There is a sensation of overwhelming guilt in my bones, my temper, my rage has brought me to this place. There is fault in both, but more in me, and now my eyes do see it lucidly. If only I had known before, perhaps I would have changed, perhaps selfish urges would have diminished. I was a fool, and only now do I see it. My hope is that this will be for the best, that when the dust clears, I will see a brighter place, a glorious welcoming shelter from the pain, where I can drink in the warm lights and breathe in the sweet scent. I will find my place in this world. I will love again. |

I'm so gloriously happy, for the first time since college started I'm am absolutely euphoric! I went up to Austin for the weekend and it was awesome, and I love all my friends up there, and I can't wait untill next year when I'll be up there with them. Thanks so much Ben and Belle for coming to get me and taking me back, I'll pay you back for gas or something next time I see you. I owe Belle $30, I'll remember, I think. I'm just really happy, and I really hope it lasts, and everything is going so well right now. Thank you so much. |

This is what I do in my Algebra for Scientists and Engineers class instead of paying attention to the notes, which thus far have covered venn diagrams and conversions...:

Arnold Spitt had an unfortunate name. When he was three years old he was admitted to a daycare. There he met the love of his life, Olivia Shirts, though she would not find out for another seventeen years, at the height of her college career. It was the height of her college career because upon discovering that Arnold loved her, she legally changed her name and moved to Oregon, (without telling Arnold.)
Most of Arnold's exceptional life developed in a similar way. His parents, Robert, a clock maker, and Edith, an unsuccessful poet, Spitt from Alabama were killed by a cell phone and a set of keys that fell from the pocket of a regretful hanglyder who became aware of their deaths the following day, when he called his wn cell phone to have it answered by the mortition.
Arnold was then admitted to the foster care of a Mr. Rudolf and Mrs. Helga Ivanov, who suggested that Arnold change his last name to Ivanov as well, which he might have done happily one week in the past, but at that time he decided to keep his last name in loving memory of his poor dead parents, who, despite their untimely abandonment of poor Arnold, did love and treat their precious boy with very great care and affection for the short time that they could.
The beginning of Arnold's life was perhaps one of the most spectacular things, though not the most, about his life. It took place int he cockpit of a commercial jet liner, 20,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean. His parents had attended a clockmaking convention in London, England and were shocked to find that Mrs. Spitt's water broke one month prematurely in an unsuspecting window seat. The cockpit, being the only somewhat private area of the plane with enough space, was the obvious choice for Dr. Dodson, who was luckily on the same flight as the Spitts. Though in two months he was pronounced "stable" and was allowed to go home to the loving care of his parents, being born prematurely left Arnold with a series of other problems. Firstly, the pallet at the roof of his mouth never closed on it's own, and, even after extensive cosmetic surgery, a scar roughly the size and shape of a piece of candy corn haunted Arnold throughout the rest of his life. Also, This problem made Arnold speak as if he had peanut butter stuck on the roof of his mouth and was constantly trying to get it off. Secondly, His growth was slowed, which prevented him from ever growing beyond the less than spectacular height of four feet and five inches, a height at which neither midgets, nor those of average stature could relate to. Thirdly, The soft spot upon the top of his head would remain there untill the tragic end of his extraordinary life.

No, I did not spell check this, nor do I really care to, nor do I know what ocean is in between Alabama and England. If it's not the Atlantic, then I really don't care. |

So, the end of a three day weekend, and I am not proud to say that I have not left my apartment once. Not even to take out the trash, which I need to do.

On a lighter note, (possibly darker for some of you), Katherine Mulloy gave me a link to download Oregon Trail, and I've been playing thatquite a bit, working on getting only my scores in the top 10, and I'm almost there too.

Yeah...not much to report, I know, I'm boring and my life here is even more boring than me, but hey, hopefully things will get better eventually. |