ok, finally I'm blogging about thespian festival and what not. blogger wouldn't work all day yesterday. it was driving me insane. ok, so anyway. Thespian festival was sooooo much fun!! I want to go back! the bus ride up was tons of fun, well with random extremely loud train whistles and the personification game and what not. oh it was awesome! Then we arrived in Witchataw Falls at about 2 AM and everyone was wired. though I had fallen asleep for the very last hour of the bus ride. I did that the ride home too. it was weird. I was so wired the rest of the trip. well anyway. We arrived and went to our rooms after stopping by and saying hello to Manuel and Jordy, who had arrived earlier for competitions and won first place with an almost perfect score!, and Jordy's hair was spectacularly explosive. then we went and explored our rooms which were rather shabby but not too bad. they had cable TV which we used a little, and my room only had 1 bed for four guys. it was a big bed. so we shared, and the couch was a fold out bed, but it sucked and it had no sheets, so we put it back into a couch and I slept there. Mattt slept on the ground. The next day we awoke after about an hour of sleep to...wait, let's go back. We watched the princess bride on the bus on phillip's laptop. but just as the movie was coming to an end. the last scene, when he's telling hm what "to the pain" means, the batteries run out and it shuts down. so we, of course, watched the end of it in the hotel. then we stayed up doing other things. we awoke, made some waffles in the hotel waffle iron, and departed for the collusium. (which is what they call their hockey stadium that we were stationed in.) We watched a really really horrible skit put on by our stupid thespian state officers. i don't like them. and then a school did a play called Radio Show. I loved the music, which was really the whole thing. I enjoyed it a lot. but it was only a mediocre play. then we left to go do whatever we wanted, which was basically go see a bunch of plays and try to avoid crappy workshops. unfortunately I didn't go to any very good workshops. but I only went to three so it's ok. I saw a bunch of really good plays, and a really really crappy performance of "Into the Woods" which is a really awesome musical, but not if no one in it can sing or act. well anyway, we were the only school that I saw that started improv and we attracted a crowd or participants.got to go. I'll finish this later. |

this has been a really interesting week. My dog died last night. He was attacked by the dog next door, a bit, fat, ugly, stupid rotwhiler. We took him to the vet and they said he was all right and could come home the next day. well, today is the next day, and when I got home I was curious as to why he wasn't home, and then we got a phone call telling us why he wasn't home. That's all really depressing, but I don't want to be depressed right now because Thespian Festival is tomorrow and I missed school on the perfect day. I had two subs, and the other classes they just didn't do anything. And I don't have any tests or quizes friday, and I have tons of time to do the extra homework, so I have nothing at all to do extra. And, because of the bus delay, I got a great nights sleep, a free day, and a girlfriend, and camp was awesome, so I should be really happy. But I think I'll set aside some time for mourning the death of Dirk. the little fella deserves at least a little. Well, anyway, I leave for Thespian Festival tomorrow after school and I get back early morning sunday, so I MIGHT be at church sunday morning, and probably sunday night. And I'll be free for a few days after sunday, and sunday afternoon to do stuff. Sara, I plan to spend some time with you durring the holidays. It's been too long. well anyway, I'll talk to you all later, have a great rest of the school week and a great weekend. bye! |

well, nothing's really happened so...

FLICKERING ICE


I can’t reach you, I can’t touch you
I see you, alone, quiet, covered in snow
Your cheeks childish red, your teeth chattering

It seems fitting that your eyes are blue
When I look into them I can’t see you
I see ice, eclipsing the sun
I see fire flickering to the beat of a drum
I see tears, salt filled, yet pure
I remember the day that we spent on the shore

But I can’t be with you
I can’t touch you, I can’t hear you

I see you, locked in a book.
I avert my eyes and you steal a glance.
But you still won’t give me a second chance.


FROSTITTEN GARDEN


Walking through the snow
Tears freezing on my cheeks
Stepping through a frostbitten garden of roses
Hearing you cry behind me only sends me on further
It must have been a dream to be so close to you
You never liked me like I wanted you to
You never held affection for me
My cheeks are covered in waterfalls of ice
The snow collects on my shoulder and in my hair
The wind takes my breath away
But I can’t turn around
I can’t go back to the warmth
I can’t go back and try to make you feel warm
Though I know you must be freezing
I think you were frozen before I got there
Maybe not on the outside. On the inside
|

well, I'm back from church camp. it was awesome! even though our bus didn't have working tvs on the way up and pretty much everyone just fell asleep. then we got to camp and our guest speaker was sooo awesome! he was probably the funniest preacher I've ever heard, and he had soo many good things to say that I really truly agreed with. the food at the camp was wonderful, and our ropes course leader was the best that I've had out of my three times there, and she was so nice and helpful and I really really liked her. It was so cold the first day and the first night, and then day to it went instantly up to like 85 degrees. it was dissapointing, but I really didn't mind.I grew closer to a lot of my friends, especially Anike (if that is, in fact, how you spell her name) the last day it rained really hard and most of the games that we had planned were cancelled, so we hung out in the dorm, which was tons of fun. people were throwing little squishy footballs accross the room at each other trying to hit the other person as hard as they could, and then they started doing that from the second floor, which was pretty darn entertaining. Then when it came time to leave, the bus showed up an hour and a half late, and there was only one of them for 125 people. It stopped at the high school dorm and we put all our stuff in it and i got a seat next to Sarah Garret expecting another bus to come along soon. After several phone calls and about 40 minutes we discovered that, not only was there not another bus on the way, but there was no way for them to send a bus to us because they had no drivers. Pastor Alan did an amazing job of holding in his anger, though I you could tell he was trying really really really really hard and almost yelled in the phone several times in front of about 70 kids. After much debate about what to do, we, the highschool people, gave up our spots to junior high and the few of us who had a lot of homework and needed to go to school the next day. At that point, I made up my mind not to go to school, which I didn't and here I am at home blogging my head off. Then we all got our stuff on the bus and our from under the bus and went back to sit around in the dorm again. The camp offered us food that was pretty much a climp of leftovers from our other meals, fruit that hadn't been eaten. some rice, bagles, ceriel things. it was pretty good at the time since we were all so hungry. then it was back to the dorm again. There was a movie playing, and we had a squished up little group on the couch. I had my arm around Anike most of the time so that we could all fit on the couch *wink*wink* Then we had several false alarms about the bus in which everyone would get up and run to the door then go back to find that their spot had been taken by someone else, which is how we lost the couch. So instead we layed in a blobbish type thing on the floor. Lots of videos were taken, along with a bunch of pictures. Around 9, a bus arrived for real, and we all borded it. The busses were supposed to be there at three, which means that this one was 6 hours late. We then clumped our stuff on the bus and I got a seat next to Anike. We sat in the dark watching "the grinch who stole christmas" which I love. And then I asked her out about 30 minutes into the bus ride and she said yes. Then after some conversation she fell asleep, and then woke up, and then fell asleep again, and then we had some more conversation, and then she fell asleep, and then we had a long conversation, and then she fell asleep again, and then we arrived home. I watched all of the grinch who stole christmas because I can't fall asleep on busses very easily. I got home around 11:30 and took a much needed shower. I had had one earlier that morning, but I was still pretty filthy. I checked my email and went to sleep around 1:30. Then woke up at 12:00, and decided to blog. And there you have it. That's my trip. I hope you all had a great weekend too! |

I saw Sara on my way to first period today. I had no idea she had a class in the hallway. I gave her a hug, I'm stopping by every morning on ever A day from now on and giving her a hug, even if she's sitting in her desk already, or if she's not there, then I'm waiting as long as I possibly can to give her a hug. Miss Soledade had us grade our own papers, I hate it when teachers do that cause it's subjective and I always give myself bad grades on subjective things cause I don't want to feel like i"m cheating. I should have given myself a higher grade. I think I got a 90. And it was a good paper too. I found out they make blue rhasberry jolly ranchers today and that made me really happy. they're awesome. And, we were making a slide show in multimedia that required music, and my teacher showed us how to download free midget file music, and I was looking for something for my halloween slide, cause it was about our favorite holidays, and I discovered once again the beauty of the music in edward scissorhands. I really want the soundtrack. Gosh it's so awesome. Danny Elfman is a genious. Church camp is tomorrow! I'm so excited! this is one of the best times of my year. The camp is so beautiful, with so many trees, and streams and a lake and the most wonderful lodges. The food is spectacular, and I'm surrounded by friends. And they have the funnest activities ever! I'm just dissapointed that I'm missing Talley's party, and that I won't get to hang out with Sara and the gang this weekend. hvae a great weekend everyone! this'll probably be my last post till sunday or monday. |

ok, so apparently, I don't know anything about anything but school, and I've been thinking about it, and I'm quite a nerd. a loser. a loner if you will, though that's a very steriotypical term. I'm pretty sure that school is really bad for me. some people it drives them onto do bigger and better things, but not me. School is very quickly killing my imagination and ambition. and yet, I put so much into it. It matters so much to me despite my procrastination and lack of concentration and lack of studying. I like...music and theatre, I want to do musicals, but most musicals are broadway, which I don't like. I wish I could find a good musical type that I like. Maybe I should write them, only I'm too lazy and inconsistent and stupid to write a play, much less a musical, or would writing a musical be easier than writing a play? Oh well, it doesn't matter, I couldn't write either. miss soledade doesn't give out 100's and that bothers me cause I keep getting 99's on my essays that deserve 100's. but they're not PERFECT. No writing is ever perfect, doesn't mean you have to lower my GPA. I know it sounds stupid cause I make 99's, but that's only on the assignments that deserve 100's I make some assignments that deserve 95's and she gives me 80's on them. She thinks I'm doing really well because i have a 94 in her class, but compared to all my other classes a 94 isn't good, it's not bad, but it's not good. I just wish she understood that. Well, anyway, i don't have any close friends or any consistent hobbies so I pretty much spend my time doing nothing and I'm tired of it but I have no way of fixing things. People piss me off too much to get close to them. |

I'm pretty sure this blog is dying, not because I don't post enough, but simply because my posts are so bad. I don't understand why anyone would still come to my blog for any other reason than an obligation. I don't want to lose my blog, but I do want to makeit more interesting. I think writing essays has killed my creativity.

Most recent essay prompt: "explain how a teenager knows that they are becoming more independant of their parents"

I want to kill whoever wrote that... |

I'm pretty confused, there are a lot of things I don't understand. Like, why I have such a blessed life, but I myself am so unlucky, and why sometimes I can be so smart, and other times I can be soo increidibly stupid. i stole a three musketeers poster today, it was wonderful. it's going up on my wall for sure. It really was a good play, and though In many ways I'm glad it's over, I miss working on it a lot cause everyone was so cool and I love plays so much. I can't wait till the next play we do. I really hope I get a part. And I hope Jenny gets a part too, she was probably my favorite person in the whole play. I had never really talked to her before it, but she's really awesome. I found myself following her around, and anticipating seeing her in our next scene, or in the belle room, or before rehearsal.

It turns out that Kelsi really did come to the show and I just somehow managed to miss her. I looked so hard for her. I was constantly peeking out of the windows and I never saw her. And, she left right after the play ended. I wish she had come on a different night than saturday. oh well, I'm realyl glad that she came at all. I was really dissapointed that she missed it, and wrongfully so. I'm glad to know she actually cares.

I'm pretty happy that I'm actually posting now. The play is over and I've had soo much extra time. it's wonderful!

|

well, the ploay sucked tonight. everyone was messing up, me most of all. I reversed one of my lines in a very commical way and said "I've been thinking about this war when we're on the brink of a my birthday" and I couldn't stop laughing through my scene, and I felt like crying, and I almost did on stage and it was really awful, and then I screwed up lines in my next scene too, but I didn't laugh durring that one. I was too depressed. The worst thing was that Kelsi wasn't there. She never came...... I think she's mad at me. I hope I can reconcile things between me and her, but usually when I try and fix things I either get really offensive and start making things worse, or I just say stupid things and make matters worse. We are officially through with three musketeers, THANK GOD! The cast party was tons of fun! I got to kiss Bellami, and miss soledade never came to the play either. she even bought tickets. miss robinson didn't come. miss sholl didn't come. my teachers must me. Jessica came, and that was really cool, and Monica and Sharla. overall, the play was a success I guess. But tonight was really really awful. the worst performance I've ever been involved with, including midsummer night's dream and the christmas plays at my church. and those are really bad. and we have talent too darn it! I really love plays. I wish i could be in one all the time. I'm soo glad that no one got killed or seriously injured in this play. some maderate injuries, but no broken bones or gushing . the cast was all really cool, and almost all really talented, 'cept for daniel hook and E.J. but we had a good show even with their horrible lack of acting skill and expression and ability to help and be involved. I to have let the audience down. they didn't deserve such a bad show. they paid the same amount of money, and when through the same amount of effort as all the people who came the other nights.

Kelsi, if you read this, and if you are mad at me, about the rachel thing. I can't support a friend's decision when I feel it to be a bad one. She's a good friend of mine too and I would never mean to hurt her, and if that takes preventing her from making bad choices that she thinks are good, then so be it. I was only trying to help. I adore you and I would never purposely upset you either, but I still don't believe that I've done anything wrong. therefore, I do not appologize. I don't believe that you've done anything wrong either, so i ask no appology from you. I hope you have a wonderful day. |

well the play was a success, not financially, but we that's not important at all. we do this to entertain, not to make money. we sold out last night and had to turn 30 people away. I really really turning people away. I've been turned away from shows and it really sucks. but we SOLD OUT! how cool is that!? I know we only seat 104, but we thought this play would be a complete failure. everyone who's seen it seems to like it. We got good comments frome veryone, and people have been emailing mr white telling him what they liked about it. we even almost sold out on thursday, a school night, and a football game night. We had broken glass everywhere last night, and people being hit by swords and what not, but as far as I know, no serious injuries, which is only by the grace of God. people even liked the music, though we play the same two songs at every transition cause we got the music two days ago. well, overall, it's been tons of fun, and we've made a lot of people happy. I love plays, I want to do more. i don't want this one to end. |

well, I won the costume contest at the halloween dance, got me a huge coffin and two stuffed pumpkins, they're really cute. lol. and now i have a huge coffin in my closet.

Also, I saw the rocky horrow picture show finally, and I really don't know what to say about that, but I loved it.

Nightmare before christmas is by far the best halloween movie ever, just in case you didn't know.

I can't wait to go see saves the day...and taking back sunday will be fun too. this is the greatest weekend ever. for me anyway, and hopefully for the rest of you. I love halloween. |